||[Apr. 2nd, 2013|02:23 am]
When you have an ego. a sense in your conscioussness that I am this, this is my story i'll have a future. a craving little child baby who fears so much of the loss and wants so much to go their own way.|
Christianity doesn't make that much sense to me. I have an ego. I walk the Earth one last miracle but I'm so stressed.
First off it is April, and it stresses me out that it is almost one year since I graduated and what am I doing. I don't think I'm doing me. Living with my dad is hard he's always aasking question i love being alone I wish i was alone all day to just do work or something. when you have an ego which is to say all of us do, ego is a word tht solidifies into thought and objectifies the longing inside a consciousness. But i want to be someone. everyone the year below me will radaute and then ireally won't be able to chill at Brandeis. Peoplee have ideas of futures, i don't want to do any of that shit bcause I am attached to this diea of sticking it out and making things work. I don't want to leave everyone I know to do some professional development bullshit i don't even know what tht would entai. i need to stop watching cable tv.
i should abandon all hpe of being a politician.
give up whatif i move to the middle of tufts
i need to leave masschusetts
i need to fucking leave massachusetts. new york
the whole world sucks philly? fuck me
does any place not suck i'm dying here.