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dear life [Dec. 27th, 2012|02:15 am]
life just got real
why is kelsey is she good at life or bad at it?
how is everyone doing
diego made a good album the vocal harmonies are sick
what am i doing with my life?

i just don't know but it isn't working

i hate new years eve

i am interested in prison abolition it is a dead scene though i want to go home
maybe when i go home i can smoke mad ganj an watch it's always sunny

but my ego is so strong it only wants to succeed at music
in any genre
i used to want to study climate

my grandmother isn't doing well. i don't want to leave her. how can anyone stand to say goodbye, does it not affect them. she can't see or hear, i wish she didn't have tos truggle, i wish i could teach her something about being here now, but i fear she is afraid of any non christian anything.

I wish she could find peace. i know it is arrogant and that i am arrogant to think i could teach her in anyway.
but not eveyrone has heard the good news about the present moment.

I just want to listen for as long as possible, but I don't know how to prompt it. i always felt weird around my grandparents because they were in this one way, and i think my parents were afraid i'd upset them or something. i would startle their tranquility because i was a really tempermental cild. now i don't know what to do. i just want to listen and not in any way but i just can't go.. it makes me sad, and i'm okay with that, but i don't know what else i can do.

avoidance avoidance craving craving craving

i feel so weird, like i am a nuissance and a pain.

i feel like a thing that can be used for people sometimes.

i feel like an ego within that consciousness.