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ifyoureallywant

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live Journallying [Mar. 1st, 2011|08:01 pm]
ifyoureallywant
Whenever I'm feel directionless, listless, or confused, I find that the only recourse there can be, especially when i am feeling particularly disinterested/overwhelmed by people is to just write in my livejournal. I am sometimes perplexed at all there was is and can be. it is confusing. i don't know if talking about it always helps. I am feeling like I'm not sure of the certainty of thigns for the first time in a while, so it is a little confusing. I just think maybe I'm a little bit dazed or something. Maybe not being a ca is having a larger effect on my than i think it does. i especially think it is true, because I had difficulty writing that down, so it mut be painful. i think i am a little bit worried about housing. i just don't really want to deal with it right now. i am not really sure. I don't really want to eat anything I don't know I'm really tired. i want to be byself but I also feel like I'm missing out
I was thinking of being in vermont and listening to Saves the Day, like it is some kind of musical memory. i am so surprised that this happened to me. I'm so surprised that anything has happened to me. i wish i could tlak to someone about that. but I guess i am not sure what I need. I know I defintely am disillusioned feeling generally. I am thinking that nonviolent communication as invented by Marshall rosenberg and told to me by a special someone is really stupid thouh it has given me a good vocabulary. I'm so surprised. i'm so surpirsed que sorpresa.
I feel like getting it all out, what is there. i just have been listeing to Hole a lot lately for the first time in my life, and I don't really know why. I like the song doll parts primarily. there is something about it that is exciting to me. like I want to be cool Like I want to be cool like Kurt cobain nnd courtney love and alternative rock in the 1990s. I'm so confused. I wonder. i really wonder
I'm so confused at where i go from here. i feel really abandoned but maybe it is that I am the abandoner. i am really weary of it all. i was happy when i got back. i just wanted to watch the bruins. maybe the catchiness of Hole mixed with the sad emotion has got me hooked on a negative feeling. or maybe nothing is certain. not the friendships I rely on especially. I think alot about, and feel saddenend by the lack of that speial someone to be my soul mate or some noise like that. I don't know who he or she will be but it seems like a lot of work. i really don't like having to rely on people. it epsecially scares me that the person might leave me. I have been jerking off a lot lately. I wanted to all day tofday. then i tried to do my homwrk but I just couldn't because it was really stupid. i was hoping it willa ll be all right. I am thinking that I am just sad and wanteing to be someoe living in a world where things aren't that way. i just feel like all i want to do is make music and be cool like nrivana. Adn i havne't felt that way since the seventh grade. I haven't felt like nirvana is this cool snce the 7th grade when nirvana was my favorite band. Now htere is no way i don't know what to do. i think th vh1 documentary in italy effected that. the anarchist commune that is what i want. i just want to be cool. i don't even lik hardcore ideals. i just straight up want to be cool. I don't hink that is true aat all iether i just felt like typing it. but that is maybe 1 percent of it. I don't know i'm conflicted.
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Comments:
From: sacupuff
2011-04-12 10:09 pm (UTC)
Great, I never knew this, thanks.

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From: kikamaid
2011-04-15 05:07 pm (UTC)
You were meant to blog. It has inspired me to start my own blog on barrie dentist

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