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The wear and tear of my throat - If you really want to hear about it [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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The wear and tear of my throat [Jun. 3rd, 2010|03:57 am]
I am twenty years old and i realized i am going to start to have to shave every day. It was just one year prior to this i grew this really weird beard. I have this weird mixed heritage beard where it is like all splotchy like an asian person but like dark and full like a white person. that is why i don't know i hae a lot of leg hair. i remember when i firststarted having leg hair, i remember i wanted to shave ti off. I mean isn't that a normal reaction? no one told me to be proud of it. I saw nothing of the masculine role of not shaving your leg hair in the media, just pretty girls talkin' bout why they shave their legs. And it was just like this weird thing happening to my body that marked a significant change that was like gross and scary, that i didn't really know. i wanted to shave it off. And i think i did. but i was like 12 and maybe nobody noticed because like 12 year olds don't necessarily have leg hair. But i am pretty sure i don't have leg hair.

So here is something that freaks me out
2006 was four years ago
let's do the math
2002 was four years before 2006. 2006 thought it now seems like a short time ago, also seems like my whole life has happened since then. Everything. these four years seem like a real long time if i think about it. so much has happened.

But i happene to know for a fact that in 2006, 2002 seemed like a lot longer time, for many reasons but mostly because it was one fourth of my life wheras now 4 years is one fifth of my life.

What it seems is this it seems that i have forgotten most o f what happpened in this time

there is in my unexpert opinon not much hope for recovering memories. lots of times repressed memories are covered made up. usualyl something just goes away if synapses don't use it/ it afdes away.

i blame colelge. lots of people blame heavy drinking drug use and advanced calculus for why they forget everything. i have a very good reason for knowing that it is not true. i theorize that it is because it is such a dramatic change from everything before that the mind like sort of is in a new context. when from k-12 in wilmz it was all with the same people, I was sort of was given contect of my social reality by the social reality of those around me. but since they are all gone the reality is not sustained so i can't remember anything

i can't seem to go to bed before 3 am
itis a bit of a problem

i am tired, bu tthere is just something depressing about the asct of going to bed

this is why i got sick recetly

i also need to check my email about this girl i know
and i also need to finish some jobz application